PROFILES AND PERSONALITIES

FUNNY POLITICAL FACES. HOW WE SAW THEM THIS YEAR

BY ERICA SODERHOLM. Contributor, M. de Lafayette

I am 83 year old, but I can still kick asses and see clear, or at least sense and visualize how people portray and describe personalities likable to some and ridiculous to many others. Valerie is much younger. However, she is more observant, for she can afford to wear a more expensive pair of eyeglasses. Usually, celebrities, super rich people and politicians are more frequently criticized and or ridiculed by us than obscure figures. In America, stand up comics, comedians and TV talk shows hosts and varieties guests make a living out of mocking politicians and making fun of them. Jay Leno, Joan Rivers and David Letterman are notorious for that. Funny enough, nobody dares to make fun of Letterman and Leno because they are powerful and can fight back by using their TV shows. A tremendous tool at their disposal. Today, in America, comedians are not short of funny material. Especially in virtue of what is going on the current presidential primaries arena, political speeches and charades, the “I have a scream today, I have a scream”, the Martha Stewart’s scandal, Michael Jackson’s affair, and many others, ad infinitum. Having said that, we would like to throw a couple of stones at this big tree of funny branches and niches on the American human landscape and politely hit some sticking heads. The list of people, we would like to caricature is endless. But, we chose those celebrities who are more recognizable to us than others. Here is a part of this list.

1- JOHN EDWARDS: A Calvin Klein fired male model having hard time convincing NABISCO to sell their products.

2- 2- JOE LIBERMAN: Distributor of old and rare books in Amsterdam.

3- 3-D ENNIS KUCINICH: Mortician in Chichiwawa.

4- 4- AL SHARPTON: Full time: Washington, DC. sewers commissioner. Part time: Presidential candidate funded by Zulu tribesmen and Idi Amin's former mistresses.

5- GENERAL WESLEY K. CLARK: Pest control sprayer in South Florida.

6- HOWARD DEAN: Looks like a guy who is looking for his missing wallet.

7- DAVID LETTERMAN: Owner of rabbits farm in Venezuela.

8- ALAN COMES: A Ph.D. in Irish literature working as a tour guide in an Australian zoo.

9- CIA’S GEORGE TENET: Sweet potatoes whole sale distributor in Chile.

10- SEAN HANNITY: Chief referee in Hulk-mania wrestling main event.

11- BILL O’REILLY: A citizen of the Czech Republic working as general inspector of screwed trains in south France.

12- JAY LENO: On Thursday, he looked like an adopted son of Janet Reno. On Friday, he looked like an Italian bodyguard in an after-hour Lithuanian restaurant.

13- GERALDO RIVERA: Director of traffic on location for the remake of Casablanca.

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14- ANN COULTER: Eyelashes distributor working part time as floor manager at Liberace museum.

15- JOHN KERRY: A guy who is selling detergent and Palmolive soap bars to tribesmen in Ethiopia.

16- FBI’s ROBERT MUELLER: Official spokesman of “Dysentery and Laxatives Incorporated”.

17- PAT BUCHANAN: Weatherman who predicts weather only at the airport. For God sake, who lives at the airport?

18- BARBARA WALTERS: A mother superior who became umbrellas sales rep. in Tahiti.

19- ANNE KATHIE COURIC: A speech-writer for the deaf in Zimbabwe.

20- MARTHA STEWART: CEO of the “Preservation of Wild Life and Crocodiles Corporation” in Panama.

21- AL GORE: Vice President of a bankrupt long-distance cellular phones company in Armenia.

22- HILLARY CLINTON: Compensated spokeswoman of the firm “EDSEL, PINTO & NOVA Incorporated”.

23- DONALD RUMSFELD: Professor of "Blackjack" and "night visions" at the University of Khartoum.

24- ROBERT NOVAK: Full time: Real estate adjuster in the north pole . Part time: Manager of the department "half price" at the gift shop of The Vatican.

25- ANNA NICOLE SMITH: Adjunct professor of nutrition and lipstick science at the "All You Can Eat University" in Walla Walla.